There’s a moose loose…

Just back from spending a frosty, but sunny, new year at our seaside hidey-hole. The spouse was delighted that there would be no burglar alarms to trigger off any of my diy hearing tests and, even better, no neighbours, so The Punjabi Hit Squad could go on at full volume. The weather had threatened to get in the way of our plans, but the only slight fly in the ointment turned out to be signs of a mouse invasion when we eventually arrived. A cursory inspection revealed that a heavyweight troupe of mice had clearly been partying in the empty fridge before partially eating the label off a bottle of Domestos and scarpering, but everything was otherwise untouched.

After a hearty meal of roast chicken, we settled down to watch a carefully pre-recorded dvd of absolute bilge programmes which come on round about 2:30am, of which we’re both afficionados. As I topped up the cava in readiness, the spouse appeared to be having trouble with his arsenal of remote controls and was complaining that someone (the inference being, me) had pushed the most vital button right inside the console so that it was now not working. Knowing that the spouse’s eyes are not working as well close up as they used to, I decided to whip off my glasses and flaunt the only part of my sensory prowess worthy of note these days ie my close vision between 4 and 6 inches from an object (and shrinking, what the heck will happen as those two figures move closer together over the years is anyone’s guess).

What I saw vindicated me completely. Our furry friends, high on Domestos, had shaved the top off the offending button of the remote with their teeth, rendering it now operable only with a strategically placed cocktail stick. In a house full of untouched food, the whole operation had been carried out so neatly and inexplicably that it made me wonder if it’s done for a practical joke. I imagined the mice all rolling around under the settee laughing at us and saying “Don’t worry, she cannae hear you… let’s do the ‘8’ button next time”.

mouse attack


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