Be careful what you wish for

The new hearing aid settings are overly accentuating an unfortunate aspect of my vocal intonation which I have tried to deny to myself ever since it was first revealed to me many years ago. This revelation came about not through the usual means of an embarrassing voice recording, but by something far worse: a student doing a clearly well practised impersonation.

The student in question was renowned for his amazing ability to mimic just about anyone, and whilst my colleague and I were having a chat with him one day, he broke into a hilariously observant impersonation of his best pal. It was the moment we had been waiting for.

“Go on, Stevie, do us”, said my colleague.

Stevie respectfully, and in light of the forthcoming assessments said,

“Nah, nah, I couldn’t. I couldn’t.”

“Yes you can, yes you can.” we assured him

“Nah, it wouldn’t be right, guys.”

“Come on, we can take it…do me first”, said my colleague generously.

“Oh alright.”

Stevie didn’t disappoint, and as we both wiped away our tears of laughter, I jumped up and down like an over-excited toddler saying, “Do me! Do me!”.

Stevie dutifully complied. The best description I can give of what came next, is Yoda from Star Wars meets Miss Jean Brodie after too much caffeine. Ouch. Perplexed by the apparent perceptual gulf between my brain’s impression of my silky voice and Stevie’s, I reassured myself by thinking that perhaps he wasn’t that good at doing women. That was until I noted my mercenary colleague vigorously rocking back and forward in his chair, slapping the table with his hands and saying “Brilliant, Stevie, brilliant! Especially the Yoda bit…do it again!”

Ever the gentleman, and with a keen eye on his grades, Stevie declined. I had completely erased the whole thing from my memory until now, but perhaps I shall be asking if it’s possible to send Yoda packing at the next audiology appointment in two weeks’ time. Miss Jean Brodie, on the other hand, I’m stuck with.

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