The Daleks are exterminated

Hallelujah, it’s a miracle. I’m cured! Well, the hearing aid is, at least. It’s been a busy week at work after the holiday weekend so the new settings on the Chroma S have been given a thorough testing. The first challenge was the open stairwell which has always been a reliable source of squealing and distortion, but on Tuesday morning, for the first time, there was nothing but the unadorned sound of stairwell as I headed up to the second floor. I noted with relief that I will no longer appear psychotic whenever anyone stops to talk to me on the steps.

The next test was a studio full of hyped up students, previously a sure-fire guarantee of an earful of feedback and an unwelcome visit from the daleks. Again, nothing. Nothing, that is, apart from the beautiful distortion-free sound of forty chairs scraping across the concrete floor, sporadic bursts of bizarre ringtones, forty students chatting and the occasional sound of gentle hammering. Bliss.

The recent increase in volume in the cookie bite zone causes ambient noise to sound rather like being on a motorway, but the handy remote control eliminates that, thank you Siemens. I was a bit worried about what actually being on a motorway would sound like, but having made a trip up the M8 at the weekend, I am pleased to report that it sounds just like being in a room with the window open. Should I ever accidentally knock myself unconscious in the studio and wake up confused, I won’t know whether I’m lying on the floor waiting for an ambulance to arrive or actually in an ambulance on the motorway, but as long as I don’t try to open any doors no harm could possibly arise from that particular auditory confusion.

After last month’s terrible incident caused by an unexpected in-store announcement at M&S, I was worried about loud noises, but my only sound-induced fright has come from answering the phone at work yesterday. Just as I hit the Amplify button, the caller’s child (or monkey, it was difficult to tell) screeched loudly right into the phone at the other end of the line. That’s one thing not even Siemens can fix unfortunately…

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