Stop the world I want to get off

Rotating Snakes Illusion by Akiyoshi Kitaoka

I have been lying low for a couple of days after having a nightmare trip back from Bute at the weekend. My body’s latest fiendish trick is to give me a migraine without the usual visual aura, so that I think it’s just a normal headache until it’s too late.

We were driving onto the ferry when the tell-tale tingling limbs and nausea struck. Once on board, I slumped, panting and sweating into the nearest seat and attempted to sever sensory contact with the outside world in order to hang onto my stomach contents. Since sight and sound are both now detachable, this is much easier than it used to be and the passenger lounge telly was sent packing. Unfortunately a major setback occurred when I briefly opened my eyes during a commercial break. An innocuous pack shot of a drain-unblocking thingy called ‘Turbo Snake’ flashed up, followed by a graphic film sequence of a big slimy hairball being dragged out of a plughole. I felt my stomach heave, and in a startling premonition of what was to come for me later, the hairball sequence was swiftly followed by a Turbo Snake demonstration of some distressing fishing about in the U-bend of a toilet.

The next hour and a half has been erased from my memory, but the spouse is not so lucky. The memory of driving his sickly wife up the motorway, cursing the person who designed airholes in the bottom of plastic bags, will stay with him for a long time.

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