A Right Earful

After a fraught day of the world conspiring against me yesterday, I was on full ranting madwoman mode when I got home from work. The spouse tried to silence me with a lovingly prepared dinner of braised chops and roast veg, but the silence only lasted for as long as it took me to chew everything. I even began speaking with my mouth full once I was on the last roast potato.

In order to prevent his ears from further damage, he switched the telly on to ‘Come Dine With Me’. This would normally be a surefire distraction, but when I briefly broke off from my continuing rant to ask why we were now looking at the Channel 4 News, he informed me that there was no point watching four people ranting over a dinner table on the telly when he could just listen to me instead. This only made me rant more.

Just as I was about to tell him that he would miss me when I’m dead, three beeps went off unexpectedly in the lughole and completely startled me.

“What is it now?” enquired the spouse, thinking I was having some kind of a seizure.

“There should have been another two days left in that battery,” I said, in further proof of my claim that the world was against me. The spouse remained unmoved by this amazing revelation, and seized the moment to turn his eyes towards the Channel 4 News.

He had to be stopped.

“….Er, what was I just saying there?” I asked, having lost my argumentative thread.

“I don’t know,” said the spouse, “but I’m enjoying the peace. I wish those batteries would run out a bit more often.”

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