Here’s Lookin’ At You


Could be time to dust these off if the fashion pundits are to be believed...

The spouse has been feeling recently that, even with his reading glasses on, his arms are not  quite long enough to allow him to focus on restaurant menus any more. It was with this in mind that we took a quick detour to an optician on the way to meet some friends for lunch yesterday.

The optician’s shop was empty when we arrived, so we were immediately cornered by the sales assistant. The spouse explained how his prescription had changed, while he fumbled to get his existing glasses out of the case, as if this would prove the point.

“…So you’re looking for something a bit more up to date?” said the assistant.

“Are you saying these frames are dated?” said the spouse, insulted, “I only got them a couple of years ago.”

“I was talking about your prescription, not your frames.” said the assistant, equally insulted.

After a quick rundown on all the complicated 2 for the price of 1 offers,  the spouse set about the complicated task of trying on frames. I was supposed to be looking at frames for myself, but I was immediately distracted by the plethora of mirrors. They gave me a good chance to eye up my stylish new coat with its generous lapels. Sadly, my illusions were shattered when I saw Richard E Grant in ‘Withnail and I’ staring back at me, so I quickly turned my attention back to spectacle frames.

“What about these ones?” said the spouse hopefully.

“Mmmmmm…dunno…..maybe….oh god, I’m crap at this, I’m too indecisive.” I replied.

“How about these black ones?”

“No. Mutant Ninja Turtle.”

“And these?”

“Absolutely not. Laurence Olivier in ‘Marathon Man’.”

“And these?”



“Axe murderer.”

“Can I help you?” interjected the assistant as the spouse accidentally and noisily dislodged the glass door to the display case in his eagerness to get to a pair of hideous plastic frames which matched the NHS pair he’d left in the departure lounge at Singapore airport five years ago, much to my relief at the time.

“The NHS specs look is coming back,” said the assistant enthusiastically as the spouse tried his dubious choice on under my incredulous stare. “It’s really quite fashionable just now.”

Crikey, I thought, imagining what envious glances I could attract in Glasgow’s Style Mile with a pair of NHS specs and an NHS hearing aid.

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