Snore Bore

The dark nights and frantic buildup to the end of term are making me very sleepy of an evening. Having listened to my snoring on the sofa all through the second half of ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’‘ on tv last night, the spouse decided enough was enough and it was time for an early night. He roused me carefully from a distance, just in case I thought he was an intruder and tried to fight him off, as I had on a previous occasion when woken suddenly.

“Gillian McKeith’s gone,” he said, knowing this would wake me pleasantly from my slumbers. “She’s been voted out. Did you hear me…I SAID: GONE, GILLIAN MCKEITH’S GONE.”

I awoke with a start and wondered why I had such a stiff neck and a hearing aid painfully embedded in the side of my head.

“Crikey, I’m so tired I can hardly open my eyes”, I sighed.

Unfortunately, this turned out to be no mere figure of speech, for when I reached the bathroom I found that my left contact lens was firmly stuck to my eyeball. I was now condemned to stay awake until I could produce enough tears to remove it without requiring a corneal graft afterwards. There was nothing else for it but to watch the 10 o’clock news through one unblinking eye, while the spouse took his turn to do a bit of snoring.

By the time I was finally able to return the troublesome contact lens to its case, I was wide awake. Typical.


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