TorchYourself.com is born

Clayed Moira on left, try it yourself. Don’t try the one on the right

“See that woman in Sainsbury’s”, said the spouse as he spread some funny looking paté on a piece of toast yesterday, “the one that torched herself on the checkout? She’s a right nutter. I mean, you go up to the till with your basket, right, and she’s looking at you as if…”

“Torched herself?” I interrupted, suddenly showing a morbid interest in what had previously been an extremely dull conversation. “Why did she do that?” I had just been having great fun claying myself on clayyourself.com, but I couldn’t see anyone having much fun torching themself.

“…What?” said the spouse, losing his thread.

“You said: that woman, ‘the one that torched herself in Sainsbury’s’…”

“…Eh?” said the spouse, “don’t know where you got that from.”

“Think!” I commanded. I was going to have to walk him through the last sentence without risking him going right back to the start of the story. “You said: ‘see that woman in Sainsbury’s, the one that torched herself’… ”

“Christ!” wailed the spouse, “Talks to herself. TALKS. TO. HERSELF.”

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4 Responses to “TorchYourself.com is born”


  1. 1 cyborg in a field March 25, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Oh you are bringing back many confused memories of thinking I had gone insane or that the world was eating cabbage. teehee

  2. 3 Clara April 14, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Honestly, every one of these could have been me. In fact I sent this in an email to my husband, subject line “This is us”. I nearly died laughing, right down to the “Where did you get that from?”

    The main source of spousal mirth in this house just now is that watching Friday Night Dinners on Ch4 I failed to get a joke for reasons directly related to said joke. Not sure if you’ve all seen it, but the family gets into the dad’s car (hearing aid wearer) and turn on the radio, which apparently blasts everyone’s ears right off, and he says “What, is it loud?” – and I turned to my husband and said… “Well? IS it loud?” Oh dear.

    • 4 moiradancer April 15, 2011 at 10:12 am

      I suspect there will be quite a few households up and down the country who will recognise our predicament!

      Haven’t seen Friday Night Dinners yet, but that reminds me of my friend’s recent trip to ENT where she saw the audiologist shouting into a very deaf wee old lady’s ear that she didn’t have her hearing aid in properly, but the wee old lady couldn’t hear her because she didn’t have her hearing aid in properly…


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