Hair Today

After a massive family meal at Mama’s house yesterday, the numerous occupants of the dinner table separated along gender lines for the after-dinner entertainment. With no drawing room to retreat to in these days of open-plan living, the ladies flopped on to the sofas and loosened their waistbands, whilst the gentlemen spread themselves out at the table so as to get a nice clear view of the football on the telly. Mama kept a foot in both camps with one eye on the football, and the other on the activities of my Creme Egg-hating nieces, who were playing at being beauty therapists with her expensive make-up bag.

My sister in-law, Auntie Elise, was a willing recipient of their skills, and was soon being transformed. First, she had a nice relaxing massage, with three sets of small hands all working simultaneously. Next, any bare areas of skin were given a thick application of suspiciously fragrant body lotion, which turned out to be shower gel on later inspection. Finally, after a small fight, niece No 2 won control of the blue nail varnish and set about painting Auntie Elise’s toenails, whilst No 3 attacked her hair with a pink plastic comb which appeared to have come out of a Christmas cracker.

After a great deal of vigorous combing, Auntie Elise’s hair looked like she was attached to a Van de Graaff generator, so I was very worried when I was told it was my turn next. After a bit of stalling, I reluctantly presented my head and wondered whether my fragile follicles could survive what was certain to be a rough encounter. Fortunately, fate intervened. On the second painful stroke of the comb, the teeth engaged rather noisily with the tube of the hearing aid and the 6 year old aspiring beautician stopped dead in her tracks.

“What’s that thing behind your ear Auntie Moira?” she asked, poking it with a dainty finger to see if it moved.

Upon hearing the answer, she went off in search of someone whose ears she could comb more easily without interruption.

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2 Responses to “Hair Today”


  1. 1 Colum Buchanan April 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    My my my I just don’t recognise this……why my toenails were clear varnished…….great laugh and photies too xxx

    • 2 moiradancer April 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

      Aye, you were lucky to be spared the combing by virtue of your gender. M has some good photies of the plastic-covered field at Portencross…I hear you had catastrophic battery failure at that stage of our bracing walk!


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