Can You Hear Me?

As the spouse and I headed off to the polling station in our running gear this morning to vote, I turned my head away for a split second to check we were going in the right direction. Unfortunately the spouse was reaching the denouement of a story about his latest Facebook fiasco, and somehow got the impression that I wasn’t listening.

“HAVE YOU GOT THE HEARING AID IN?” he enquired in a loud voice.

“NO I BLOODY HAVEN’T”, I replied in an even louder voice, “WE’RE GOING FOR A RUN, REMEMBER? SWEAT = DROWNED HEARING AID.”

SO DID YOU NOT HEAR ANY OF THAT, THEN?” came the even louder response, now that the lack of hearing instrument had been verified.

A flock of pigeons took fright at the sonic boom and flapped off. One seemed to have left a foot behind in the gutter.

“YES, I HEARD IT ALL. STOP SHOUTING”, I shouted, with just a slight hint of tetchiness.

In order to ensure continued domestic bliss, I have prepared a handy flow chart to help the spouse diagnose when I am not hearing him as opposed to just not listening to him. As you can see, he’s in an unfortunate Lose Lose situation…

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8 Responses to “Can You Hear Me?”


  1. 1 not quite like beethoven May 6, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Who cares, if the pigeons don’t know domestic bliss when they see it. 😉

    • 2 moiradancer May 7, 2011 at 7:56 am

      You would think that Glasgow pigeons would be used to people in trainers and track suits shouting at each other in the streets, but these ones must have had very delicate sensibilities!

  2. 3 Sara Paton May 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Love it! I sent it to my husband as part of his continual spousal training program!

    • 4 moiradancer May 7, 2011 at 7:57 am

      Hope it works Sara! The spouse is not responding to his training consistently enough for my liking at the moment. Although he hasn’t mentioned the hearing aid for at least 24 hours, further enlightenment is required on the matter of speaking to me from another room…

  3. 7 Clara May 7, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    That phrase is living on the edge, the one which is likely to become a defence at my murder trial is “I thought you had hearing aids now” or “Are those things working?!” and similar delivered in voice of exasperation after Mr Clara-Cookiebite has spent hours recounting some amusing anecdote without checking to see if I am correctly set up and ready to receive aural data.

    • 8 moiradancer May 8, 2011 at 10:25 am

      😀 Our significant others should never underestimate the use of their eyes when they feel The Hearing Aid Question coming on. Only when the duff ears are shielded from view can the question be received as a genuine enquiry, rather than the form of extreme provocation of the sort you describe.


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