Lost

As I scuttled along a dimly lit side street in a desperate rush to catch the train home from work, I felt the familiar loosening of a shoelace, a scenario which only happens when one is in a hurry to catch trains. After weighing up whether I could run the last 200 yards using an exaggerated leg movement on the side contralateral to the flapping lace in order to avoid tripping, I decided to be sensible and stop.

I still had the 18:53 train in my sights, so I decided to cut corners by attempting to tie the lace without first removing my gloves. This, as always, proved to be a mistake, but I persist in doing it anyway in the hope that one day it will work and I won’t have to touch a dirty wet shoelace with my bare hands. Hope abandoned, I removed my now wet gloves, gave up on the 18:53 and tied the offending lace into a pulsatingly tight triple knot, swearing loudly as I did so. It was while I was crouched on my haunches in the pouring rain that I spotted a familiar beige object sitting in a pool of water amongst the fag ends at my feet, and my heart sank.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” I shrieked, clutching a disbelieving hand to the left ear. This was all I needed now. To my surprise, a blast of feedback and the familiar scrunch of hair on mic confirmed that, bizarrely, I had just stumbled upon someone else’s hearing aid, and mine was still safely tucked behind the ear. Phew.

A closer look at the drowned and beheaded blob on the pavement told me that some poor soul was now walking around the west end of Glasgow, half deaf and wearing only their earmould and tube. There was every chance that they would soon be wondering what had happened to the other half of their hearing aid, and I can reveal that it was last seen in West Greenhill Place, beside the parking ticket machine opposite the Citroen Garage…

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14 Responses to “Lost”


  1. 1 Carl Green January 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Oh God! I had a similar fear since I am at the point where I don’t feel them in my ears anymore. I did a frantic grasp for them on the bus while people around me thought I’d probably had a fit! Should be able to clip them on I think!

    • 2 moiradancer January 23, 2012 at 10:41 pm

      Hee hee 🙂 I’ve decided that my automatic need to push the slipping dome back in to my ear every two minutes is actually a good thing, since it provides an early warning of an escaped hearing aid!

  2. 3 Carl Green January 24, 2012 at 1:28 am

    Ever thought of getting custom molds? I think I’m going that route since they attack of the itchies is too much for me! I don’t want to be constantly clawing at my ear! hehe

    • 4 moiradancer January 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm

      If you get custom moulds does that mean you have to sacrifice the open fit? I’ll take the itchy ears if it does!

      • 5 Carl Green January 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

        I think when you first get them they itch, but then they are OK. The custom molds can be “vented” which means it’s can open fit. Or they can be not vented or “occluded” that means you will be hearing everything through the aid. The benefit I think is the better fit. I want something thats made for my ears!

  3. 6 babs scott January 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Sorry to say it guys but the custom moulds itch too! Plus the old lugs can get a bit achey after wearing them for prolonged periods. They stay put in your ears quite well though, so you only have to watch out for the mould and tube becoming detatched from the aid itself when you rip your jumper over your head. Mine have become permanently “lost” in my handbag as I can’t be bothered with the echoing, feedback and constant twiddling which needs to be done to adjust them to a bearable noise level. I just have to be prepared for the unexpected sneaker-upper as I am liable to jump six feet in the air when they speak quietly beside me!

  4. 7 Carl Green January 24, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    No!!! Say it isn’t so babs! Lets see what happens. Will keep you guys updated 🙂 Appointment on Friday. Yippee!

    • 8 moiradancer January 24, 2012 at 10:37 pm

      Babs…you haven’t been taking a jumper off in the vicinity of the parking ticket machine opposite the Citroen Garage at West Greenhill Place recently have you? 🙂

      Belated Happy New Year, hope 2012 is being good to you!

      Carl, you are about to become the custom mould pioneer for the Cookie Bite Chronicles. May the Force be with you when they scoosh a syringe full of silicone impression material into each ear…good luck on Fri!

      • 9 Carl Green January 30, 2012 at 12:48 am

        Moira and Co.

        Just a small update. I did get my ears jammed full of neon yellow putty. It was a rather *interesting* experience! I have now switched to closed domes on the hearing aids and to be honest loving it. These Oticon people know what they are doing! it sounds totally natural and amazingly I can hear SO well. Using the closed fit gives me the benefit of the hearing aid completely. I was convinced by the way that I would hate it. Much to my surprise I signed myself up for “micro-moulds” with just a teeny pressure vent (so I won’t suction my ear drums off!)

        Alas my good fortune with the temporary “plus domes” was short lived. My left ear is acting up and not doing well with the temporary solution until the moulds come in. Tomorrow I am off to badger my guy into fixing it. Meanwhile I am severely (well only moderately) cookie bitten.

        Updates soon to come!

      • 10 moiradancer January 31, 2012 at 11:28 am

        Sounds like an interesting development so far, Carl, and pleased to hear that the new moulds promise not to turn your eardrums inside out, eek! Hope the left ear sorts itself out, mine likes to develop a dome-sensitive boil in the canal at times of maximum auditory inconvenience.

        It’s a highly technical business all this domes v moulds malarkey, glad to have reports of your experience, keep us posted!

  5. 11 babs scott January 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Hi Moira

    Happy New year to you and “the spouse” (that word always makes me laugh!) No, I’m afraid the hearing aid in the picture is the wrong colour to be mine, and they are snugly nestled in the dark recesses of my handbag as we speak. 🙂

  6. 12 maureen January 31, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Hi Carl,

    I agree, Moira’s blog is brilliant, and it is wonderful to know that it is helping people from all over the world, including Canada!

    I hope that the experts manage to help you with their interventions.

    Best wishes,

    Maureen.

  7. 13 Carl Green January 31, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Hi Everyone!

    Well I am successfully on my way to the lovely custom jobs. I am now however back in the open domes. I had trouble with the “one size fits all” closed dome. I can honestly feel the difference with the open and closed. Closed is FAR better and I can actually not utter “what?? sorry??” ten million times a day!

    Moira, that boil sounds VERY painful! Ouch! You should not be putting up with that 😦 Not impressed with the NHS 😦

    More to come soon!

    • 14 moiradancer January 31, 2012 at 10:44 pm

      One size fits all is a problematic scenario for any human accessories, I know this from a lifetime of trying to find a pair of ladies tights that will go above the knees 🙂

      Not even the NHS could do anything about the Phantom Boil, it’s a mysterious phenomenon on a par with the spot on the end of the nose that appears just before you go into an interview, or the sudden urge to sneeze in the middle of a root canal treatment!


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