Things You’re Unlikely To See #4

According to this timely CNN article, there have been some mighty strange olympic events over the years. My personal favourite is ‘La Canne’, which was apparently a martial art featuring a walking stick, one which we actually still have on Glasgow public transport.

Well, if walking canes can be in there, so can hearing aids, and I have devised a brand new olympic event suitable for even couch potatoes like myself. Such is the flexibility of the Hearing Aid Maintenance event, that it will be equally at home in either the conventional Olympics or the Paralympics. I leave the final decision up to the IOC. To whet your appetite for the 2016 games, here is a small selection of some of the rules:

Hearing aid battery changing, under-70s individual event

Points awarded for speed, agility and ability to rejoin a conversation seamlessly after the battery change. Points deducted for: rejoining the conversation with the wrong topic, dropping the new battery, or failing to get the old one out without the use of a prodding device (Siemens models only). Instant disqualification for mixing up the old and new batteries and putting the old one back in by mistake.

Hearing aid battery changing, Hearing Professionals team event.

Similar rules apply, with additional deductions for failing to close the battery door fully before putting the hearing aid back on the patient. At the judges’ discretion, the latter deduction may be waived if the patient says “Ah, that’s much better now, I’m not getting all those strange noises I had before” and leaves without realising the aid is not switched on. Instant disqualification for writing the wrong battery size in the NHS Battery Book.

Hearing aid maintenance triathlon requirements: novices

Event 1: Cleaning Carefully wipe hearing aid according to instruction manual

Event 2: Hygiene Clean tubes and moulds/ domes regularly in recommended manner

Event 3: Storage Remove batteries, and tuck up in dry and store each night.

Hearing aid maintenance triathlon requirements: veterans

Event 1: Cleaning Quick wipe on a t-shirt whenever you get sweaty

Event 2: Hygiene Poke grotty bits of the tubing assembly when absolutely necessary, with whatever sharp object comes to hand

Event 3: Storage Open battery door at night by as little as you can get away with, to avoid having to re-insert the battery if it falls out by accident.

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8 Responses to “Things You’re Unlikely To See #4”


  1. 1 Brenda August 15, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Hello! I just wanted to say thank you so much for this blog – I have recently been diagnosed with cookiebite sensorineural hearing loss at age 36, and had a more emotional reaction to this than I thought I would have. I have always had problems with hearing certain pitches of speech and hearing if there is a lot of background noise, but didn’t realise that it has been there since birth at all. I have found your blog really reassuring in helping me realise that being diagnosed with this is not the end of the world and that there are other people out there who have it too. Thanks again!

    • 2 moiradancer August 15, 2012 at 11:49 am

      Hi Brenda, that’s really nice to hear that the blog has been useful to you, many thanks for letting me know. Like you, I was surprised at how a diagnosis of hearing loss hits you emotionally, and it’s something people don’t understand unless they’ve experienced it themselves. I was convinced for ages that it had just come out of the blue, but when I look back, the signs were definitely there in my 30s. I didn’t understand them though, and at that point they didn’t cause me any great day to day difficulty, so I never thought much of it.

      After an initial panic at the unknown, now I appreciate how lucky I am to hear as well as I do, and long may it continue!

  2. 3 Carl August 17, 2012 at 2:18 am

    Moria! It has been a while but I have been lurking and watching and reading gleefully to myself. To give a bit of an update; hearing aids still fantastic. I am now in the process of recruiting future hearing aid wearers hehe. I shake my head and solemnly say “ever get your hearing tested?” and of course because I have hearing aids I must be an expert on hearing loss. It’s evil but I think necessary, the more people wear them the better they will get? or…..is that just wishful thinking? 😉

    Nice to see you kept the blog going!

    Greetings from Canada!

    • 4 moiradancer August 17, 2012 at 9:52 am

      Carl! Oticon twin! Lovely to hear from you, as always. It’s been very quiet around here lately apart from the spammers, who tell me they love every post I write and try to sell me handbags and viagra. I’ve been forced to keep the blog going, because if I don’t, BatteryBot and the Easter Bunny will die and I’ve become strangely attached to them.

      I thoroughly approve of the ulterior motive behind your hearing aid recruitment evangelism, and I too have become an overnight armchair expert on hearing loss. It’s no longer enough to just know that someone’s a bit deif…I need audiograms. There could be a cookie bite, or even a reverse slope in there.

      Good to hear that your aids are still fantastic; as the cookiebite closed fit and custom mould ambassador, the eyes of all those with itchy open fit domes are upon you. Where you lead, others will follow…once we’re sure there are no side effects 😉

  3. 5 Rose September 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    I think there is an instant elevation to a podium finish available for any professional able to provide size 0 tubes. I don’t care what the most common sizes are for adults, really I don’t, just furnish me with a pair of zeros because paediatrics is getting really fed up with me taking all of theirs.

    • 6 moiradancer September 14, 2012 at 6:19 am

      That is a fine addition to the rules Rose. When I surreptitiously examine fellow train passengers’ ears, to pass the time on standing room only journeys, the ears appear to come in a far wider variety of shapes and sizes than tubes and domes do. Amazing.


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