Posts Tagged 'domestic bliss'

Kookybite Innovation #12

Subtitle remote control


SeizeControl ® Covert Subtitle Activator & Volume Control

Are you fed up asking your remote-hogging partner for the subtitles to be turned on when watching tv, only to be told subtitles ruin everything? At the touch of a button, this nifty gadget transmits a signal to your tv remote and secretly turns the subtitles on without your viewing partner suspecting a thing. SeizeControl® is cunningly disguised as a half-used packet of hearing aid batteries, and since those things are all over the damn house, it blends in perfectly.

Sit back and enjoy the film, while your partner fiddles with the zapper in vain. Just as they’re about to ring Sky, you can turn the subtitles off just long enough to fool them into thinking it’s sorted, or if you’re feeling really aggrieved at their stubbornness, you can let them go right ahead and pay a £65 callout charge straight out of their own pocket.

Can also be used to control tv volume, to make it too loud or too quiet for your partner, depending on the situation.


Ear Ache

“Aaaaaagh!” winced the spouse in a grimace of pain, as we supped coffee in bed this morning. I immediately broke off from my soliloquy on world affairs, to tend to my beloved’s distress.

“What is it? What’s the matter?” I gasped.

“YOU’RE SPEAKING SO LOUD!” said the spouse loudly, in a doomed attempt to demonstrate the problem. “I can’t stand it this early in the morning. You’re talking over the news and everything! It’s hurting my ears! You always shout first thing in the morning.”

I glanced briefly at the hearing aids on the bedside table, then at the mouthing breakfast tv news presenter performing sotto voce at the end of the bed. I noted another rain symbol appearing over the central Scotland weather map.

“It must be awful to have such delicate ears,” I replied in a much quieter voice, with just a little hint of sarcasm.


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