Posts Tagged 'lost hearing aids'


As I scuttled along a dimly lit side street in a desperate rush to catch the train home from work, I felt the familiar loosening of a shoelace, a scenario which only happens when one is in a hurry to catch trains. After weighing up whether I could run the last 200 yards using an exaggerated leg movement on the side contralateral to the flapping lace in order to avoid tripping, I decided to be sensible and stop.

I still had the 18:53 train in my sights, so I decided to cut corners by attempting to tie the lace without first removing my gloves. This, as always, proved to be a mistake, but I persist in doing it anyway in the hope that one day it will work and I won’t have to touch a dirty wet shoelace with my bare hands. Hope abandoned, I removed my now wet gloves, gave up on the 18:53 and tied the offending lace into a pulsatingly tight triple knot, swearing loudly as I did so. It was while I was crouched on my haunches in the pouring rain that I spotted a familiar beige object sitting in a pool of water amongst the fag ends at my feet, and my heart sank.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” I shrieked, clutching a disbelieving hand to the left ear. This was all I needed now. To my surprise, a blast of feedback and the familiar scrunch of hair on mic confirmed that, bizarrely, I had just stumbled upon someone else’s hearing aid, and mine was still safely tucked behind the ear. Phew.

A closer look at the drowned and beheaded blob on the pavement told me that some poor soul was now walking around the west end of Glasgow, half deaf and wearing only their earmould and tube. There was every chance that they would soon be wondering what had happened to the other half of their hearing aid, and I can reveal that it was last seen in West Greenhill Place, beside the parking ticket machine opposite the Citroen Garage…


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