Posts Tagged 'unusual olympic events'

Things You’re Unlikely To See #4

According to this timely CNN article, there have been some mighty strange olympic events over the years. My personal favourite is ‘La Canne’, which was apparently a martial art featuring a walking stick, one which we actually still have on Glasgow public transport.

Well, if walking canes can be in there, so can hearing aids, and I have devised a brand new olympic event suitable for even couch potatoes like myself. Such is the flexibility of the Hearing Aid Maintenance event, that it will be equally at home in either the conventional Olympics or the Paralympics. I leave the final decision up to the IOC. To whet your appetite for the 2016 games, here is a small selection of some of the rules:

Hearing aid battery changing, under-70s individual event

Points awarded for speed, agility and ability to rejoin a conversation seamlessly after the battery change. Points deducted for: rejoining the conversation with the wrong topic, dropping the new battery, or failing to get the old one out without the use of a prodding device (Siemens models only). Instant disqualification for mixing up the old and new batteries and putting the old one back in by mistake.

Hearing aid battery changing, Hearing Professionals team event.

Similar rules apply, with additional deductions for failing to close the battery door fully before putting the hearing aid back on the patient. At the judges’ discretion, the latter deduction may be waived if the patient says “Ah, that’s much better now, I’m not getting all those strange noises I had before” and leaves without realising the aid is not switched on. Instant disqualification for writing the wrong battery size in the NHS Battery Book.

Hearing aid maintenance triathlon requirements: novices

Event 1: Cleaning Carefully wipe hearing aid according to instruction manual

Event 2: Hygiene Clean tubes and moulds/ domes regularly in recommended manner

Event 3: Storage Remove batteries, and tuck up in dry and store each night.

Hearing aid maintenance triathlon requirements: veterans

Event 1: Cleaning Quick wipe on a t-shirt whenever you get sweaty

Event 2: Hygiene Poke grotty bits of the tubing assembly when absolutely necessary, with whatever sharp object comes to hand

Event 3: Storage Open battery door at night by as little as you can get away with, to avoid having to re-insert the battery if it falls out by accident.


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