It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

“You’ve really captured the Easter Bunny’s expression there”, I said, after BatteryBot proudly showed me these snowmen, which he explained were built in the likeness of he and his best pal.

“…Maybe you could use this photo to wish your readers a Happy Christmas,” he suggested. “Both of them are very loyal, they deserve something a bit more cheery than…”

“Okay, okay, I get the message”, I said, hitting the ‘Cancel’ button on the post I was just about to publish. It was entitled ‘Christmas Earwax Special: 10 things every hearing aid wearer should know‘. Extensive personal research had gone into its production, and I had been particularly proud of the Fantastic Voyage-inspired visual journey beyond the second bend of the ear canal. Still, I supposed I could save it for Easter or something since earwax is such a timeless subject.

“Howzat?” I said, as I uploaded the cute snowmen and hit the ‘Preview’ button.

“Can you put some holly on it?” asked BatteryBot.

No Wax

Ahhhhhh, that’s better. My right ear is now open for business after Tuesday’s dramatic ear irrigation, which saw something the size, colour and consistency of a withered sultana shoot from the cookiebite ear canal into the nurse’s waiting metal receptacle.

Readers will be delighted to know that, unlike last time, I managed not to behave in a completely undignified manner while my ear was pummelled by the pulsed water jet. Instead, I adopted a pained grimace of stoicism, which I relaxed only once to shout a shaky “WHOA…OOA…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” as the wax plug finally came loose.

As you can see from my before and after thresholds below from the Equal Loudness site, there has been a dramatic increase in hearing after irrigation. It more than makes up for the shock of seeing what came out of my lughole…

Even Mo’ Wax

Oh dear. It’s now day 12 of my wax busting regime, and this time the oil in the ear hasn’t managed to clear it. It’s managed to soften it up though; just enough for the right hearing aid dome to act as a very efficient wax compaction plunger. Perfect for sealing off the ear canal completely to all but the loudest sounds in the mid-frequencies…like the circular saw ripping through piles of wood, in the room next door to the one I was running a student workshop in yesterday. Bah.

Fortunately, I have an appointment with the ear irrigation apparatus in T minus 2 hours and counting. Let’s hope that it works, I’ve been tapped on the shoulder so many times this last week, I’m beginning to feel like a typewriter…

Mo’ Wax

Hearing Aid Avenger tests his prototype Waxbuster gun on a candle. He told me the hearing aid dome on the end would protect my ear canal, but I wasn’t convinced.

 

At the end of last week, I emerged from the shower to discover that my right ear was no longer picking up sounds from the outside world. Strangely, it was picking up sounds from inside my head just fine, but who wants to hear the base of their skull grinding on their spinal column first thing in the morning.

A quick hearing test on the piano, whilst still wrapped in a wet towel and with a finger in one ear, revealed that an octave in the middle of the cookie bite zone was now completely missing, and that everything else sounded very far away indeed. A Google search on the matter of clogged ears and showers indicated that waterlogged earwax was the likely culprit, and I groaned at the thought of another protracted round of oil in the lughole every night to get rid of it.

I groaned even louder when I phoned my GP practice to see if I could pre-book an appointment with the nurse in five days time, so that I could do the oil routine then get my ear syringed if necessary, on the only day I can get time off work in the next couple of weeks.

“We like you to try to clear it yourself with oil, first”, came the reply. ” Only if you haven’t managed to clear it, can you phone to ask for an appointment. We can’t pre-book.” It seemed my window of waxbusting opportunity had just closed.

To everyone I’ve inadvertently ignored over the last few days, sorry, but it ain’t over yet…